Walking around with these glassy eyes. "I am just tired", as we always say. But you know what? It is bullshit. Yes we are tired. But it is not all because of lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We are tired of this emptiness that emerge over us even though we're surrounded by a bunch of people.
So why can't we just say it? That is because we are so afraid to look into someone’s eyes and say: "I am unhappy, I am broken, I am weak, I am miserable, I am hopeless and fallible." We've been trained to relate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness.
Well, I say screw it all of that. Screw forced smiles, polite handshakes, tight hugs and "I am fine, thank you for asking". Screw the fear of crying in a public place, screw the fake cheerful voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems.
We are humans. We are meant to feel. We are obscure, beautiful and we should never hide our human part, because if we do, then what's left to show?
WHOA! I like this A LOT.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'll say it. I couldn't say it on Twitter this morning or the past few days like I really really wanted to. So here it goes...
I am miserable. I am upset. I am hurt. I am confused. I am stressed. I feel worthless.
And because of it all, I am unhappy.
Phew! THERE. :) ...I think that's all of it. I'll comment again if I think of something else. haha
And I am aware I have friends, like you, who are always there for me and I appreciate it very very very much. That's why I love you all very much...so much that saying it isn't even enough to truly express how much I love you guys.
But...
...life is different when all your "real" friends live far away...
Looks like you discovered a secret post ah? :)
ReplyDeleteI guess I have nothing much to say but to read again what is posted here as a simple reminder that you are human. You cant just escape or unrecognized what you feel. Rant if you want.
And yes, you should know by now that we are always be here for you.. but will never get tired of saying it again. :)
I am always here for you Jaymie. You are not alone.
First, I guess I can't hide my name anymore. Thanks. haha :P
ReplyDeleteSecondly, yeah...I did find a secret post. lol. :P
Third, I agree with everything on here. In fact, that's how I always viewed things, but I just forgot because of everything that's going through my head and all my feelings right now. So this is perfect timing. I'm glad I saw it. Thank you, sis, for the reminder. :)
Anyway, I thought of something else last night. I feel lonely.
And no one's even aware we are talking here :) LOL
ReplyDeleteWhy lonely? I know its a hard question.. I dont know if I could answer that one as well. But you are a strong lady. I am sure about that :)
Lonely for all the same old stuff. But anyway...THANK YOU, SIS. :)
ReplyDelete